As I listen to my 15 year old step-daughter worry about how soon she will have to choose courses that speak to her career direction and life, she frets, and as I calmly remind her she has ample time to consider such things, I mention that over the next year she will likely find a clearer picture with new courses taken in addition to all of her online researching. I can’t help but wonder where my path may have taken me had I followed my heart as a teenager.
From a young age I dreamt of two paths, neither of which are where I ended up. I always felt I would have made a good teacher, likely to a younger grade. Even my parents felt strongly about this and to this day, my dad still says he thinks I would have made an excellent teacher. He says I have the patience for it and the calmness when assisting anyone with something I have knowledge of. Now in my early forty’s this path is likely just a dream and one that I will always consider a path that I should have chosen. This especially rings true when in multiple conversations with my daughter, Grace, she says how cool it would be if I was a teacher at her school. Both Grace and my son Gabriel often express how much they wish I could have summers and holidays off with them. And yes, I do realize there is so much more to being a teacher than the time off aspect, but for my kids, this is the greatest reason. I love that they want me around all the time and I know that one day this won’t always be the case, so as long as I can I will relish in the moments of their adoration.
In my final year of highschool it was the official last year that grade 13, or OAC as we referred to it was a “thing”. At the time, you could not attend at University without having your grade 13. I made the choice to not complete all the required courses for grade 13, and chose to take half of my last year of highschool off to work full time so I could pay my own way for a school trip to Paris the following spring. A choice that while difficult to make, also afforded me the experience of world travel. Something to this day I still crave and I cannot wait until I am planning my next adventure abroad.
Due to this decision though, I did not have the credits to go to University and ended up in College pursuing my second passion, animals. I graduated with a certificate in Animal Care and ended up working as a veterinary technician. I loved my job, but it also broke my heart when animals had to be put down, watching the owners say a final goodbye to their loyal companions was gut wrenching each and every time I was witness to it. As the vet told me then, my heart was too soft for the job. His words resonated and I knew he was correct. And so my search for my career continued.
I returned to College. Growing up my dad was a police officer, I knew that was not the path for me, however, the law always intrigued me. I completed and obtained a Certificate as a Court and Tribunal Agent (effectively a law clerk). Finding a job after graduating however, was a fruitless task. With bills to pay I took a job in advertising and marketing at a publishing company within the fitness industry. While some of the perks of the position were indisputable and my work peers amazing, to this day, constantly being referred to as the girl with the nice behind by the owner left me with a sour taste in my mouth.
Again, I returned to school, this time perhaps with less purpose other than blindly feeling for something to spark my interest or give me direction. During my schooling I continued working part time. In time I graduated with a Business Management Certificate from Ryerson University. I continued working (in many roles) and eventually found my way to a job at an international consumer packaged goods company. At this company, I worked with many wonderful people and learned many valuable lessons, some not so savoury. To date, my time there has been my longest role with any company. It was a difficult decision but, I left after my maternity leave with my daughter Grace.
Grace’s father and I agreed that I would stay at home and raise Grace and eventually her little brother Gabriel, until they were both old enough to start school. During this time, my priority was my babies, caring for them, ensuring they had a great balance of interaction with family and friends and outdoor play and doing my darndest to be the best momma bear I could be. I lived and breathed my babies. This I will never regret. When Gabriel was still a baby, their father and I separated.
As we had been living “briefly” outside of Canada, when our relationship fell apart, my babies and I moved back home to Canada and into my parents basement. I faced external pressures as well as my own desire to be self sufficient and a successful single parent, because of this I fell into a job as a legal assistant close to my parents home. As I hadn’t worked in quite some time, my thought was to find employment that related in some way to my schooling so that it wasn’t all in vain.
Re-entering the work force in my late thirties, and having the expectation that I would earn what I did prior to my maternity leave was a notion I never should have entertained. It was simply not possible after be so far removed from work for several years. I felt like I had to start from scratch again. This was disheartening and deflating, but I was fortunate to have the support of my loving parents. If it wasn’t for them, our lives would have been very different, but because of their generosity and love we were afforded a fresh start.
Am I where I thought I would be 20+ years ago? No, most definitely not! The last decade has been challenging, eye opening and has left me with my daily reminder (my babies) that every day is a gift. I have found solace in writing and perhaps this time around I will follow my heart and my fingers and continue with my writing, that is my hope and intention with this blog.
One thing is certain, I will tell my children that they should always follow their hearts and they will never be disappointed. Life does not always go as planned but in those times of uncertainty, hold tight to what is certain and constant – love and passion.