A long time ago, a wise woman once told me “never, ever compromise yourself”. The context within which it was given to me was, at least I thought it was at the time, meant to imply don’t compromise yourself for a relationship. When this special woman told me these words, I had just gone through the end of a relationship. In my mind I applied it immediately to the current state I was in and perhaps how I had gotten there. Perhaps I had let myself get lost, in the thrills of a relationship and in so doing, letting the other take advantage of my generosity and my naivety.
These words, lingered with me and I held them tight, perchance too tightly and under the wrong context. Misguided by my own interpretation, and for worry of another chance at my heart being broken, I created a wall around myself for fear of letting my guard down, and compromising myself for another. By creating this wall, as you could imagine, it makes it difficult for others to be truly close to you. Not only does it pose complications in building relationships but it leads to a lonely road.
It wasn’t until someone said to me I wouldn’t find happiness in a relationship until I first found my own sparkle, that I sat back and realized, I had in fact, lost my sparkle. I had been so consumed with protecting myself and thinking I was strong, that I lost focus on what made me who I am and what made me happy. Slowly, I circled back to that wise woman’s words, “never, ever compromise yourself”. It dawned on me, I was responsible for my happiness, by building a fortress around myself, I was taking away any chance I had of this realization.
Slowly, I started taking steps, baby steps at first, re-introducing me, to myself. Awakening my passions buried deep within. Some were as simple as me starting to write again with purpose, playing music loudly and dancing in my kitchen while cooking, working out and running regularly, reaching out to long lost friends and ultimately reconnecting with my former self. Smiling at the end of the day because I had done something that I could feel in my soul. That saying “feed your soul” resonates with me now. Days turned into months and gradually, over a long period of time, I felt more at peace with myself and remembered who I was. I became comfortable in my skin again, and found my sparkle. I continue now to try and remember everyday to do something just for me, even if it is as simple as stopping to smell the flowers, having a quiet coffee to myself with time for reflection or my favourite, throwing in my headphones and cranking up my music while I write.
Each day forward is a way to better yourself, be yourself and share that wonderful self with others. I will always be the shy one, but I will always remember to be me, my whole self and never, ever compromise myself again. (Thanks Aunt Simone). xx
